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<title>It's Just a Lack of Air Supply (That Keeps Me up at Night) by Hock_hug</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22563112">It's Just a Lack of Air Supply (That Keeps Me up at Night)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hock_hug/pseuds/Hock_hug'>Hock_hug</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>52 Weeks of Hockey [41]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hockey RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Hanahaki Disease, How Morgan Frost Realizes That Bros Wasn't A Thing They Are, M/M, Morgan's POV, except it's kinda sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 19:07:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,124</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22563112</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hock_hug/pseuds/Hock_hug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>How Morgan saw it all</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Joel Farabee/Morgan Frost</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>52 Weeks of Hockey [41]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1122324</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>It's Just a Lack of Air Supply (That Keeps Me up at Night)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Morgan felt like every cell in his body had frozen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s you, Morgan. It’s only ever been you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the beginning, he thought it was a cold. Joel coughed a lot, and he seemed worn down, but nothing he should’ve been too concerned about. Then it got worse and worse and it never got better. Morgan liked to think he was a good friend, so he stuck by Joel as much as he could manage. He never caught whatever Joel had, which he was grateful for, and he was too happy being the one person Joel let be around him to question it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he saw the petals.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then his entire world seemed to crash around him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had known for a while that the feelings he had for Joel weren’t strictly ‘bros’, but seeing him cough up bits and pieces of flowers really solidified it. He loved Joel, and Joel was dying because he loved someone who didn’t love him back. To say Morgan’s heart shattered would be an understatement. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Joel stopped hiding the petals from him after the Hotel Incident. He still hid them from the team, of course, but he never hid anything when they were alone in Joel’s apartment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Morgan made a pact with himself to do whatever he could to help Joel. Part of that was simply being there for him. Luckily, Joel didn’t seem to mind that much at all. He let Morgan lean on him during flights, which was even nicer when they fell asleep with their heads resting together. In the moments after he drifted awake, Morgan let himself imagine that he could wake up next to Joel every day, that Joel was in love with him instead of whichever girl that didn’t love him back, that Joel was cured. His daydreams lasted until Joel started coughing next to him, and reality crushed his heart again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s you, Morgan. It’s only ever been you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Morgan couldn’t breathe. It was like his chest was in a vice, so many emotions were flowing through him and he could barely think.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Morgan couldn’t stop the tears. He didn’t want to cry, but every time Joel pulled him close it felt like he was saying goodbye, and he just couldn’t handle it. Joel murmured his name and pulled him closer, and the last shreds of his self control fell away. He wrapped himself around Joel, clinging to him as tightly as he could because all he ever wanted to do was hold him. All he ever wanted to do was shield Joel from the battles he was facing, to be the shoulder Joel could lean on when he needed it. Morgan sobbed as he realized that this could quite possibly be his last chance to hold Joel in any capacity. What terrible fate was this, that the one person he had fallen in love with was dying because his love was not returned. More than that, Morgan did not want to lose his friend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-” Morgan whimpered through his tears. He felt pathetic, but he needed to say it. “I just don’t want-” sobs wracked his body as he tried to voice his thoughts. He didn’t want to lose Joel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t want you to die, Bee, I don’t want to lose you.” He could barely get the words out past his tears, but he managed. Morgan was so focused on what he was feeling that he didn’t realize what was happening at first, but it quickly became apparent. Morgan pulled back to see that Joel was covering his mouth, trying to keep the petals at bay. Joel’s eyes were red and Morgan could hear how weak his lungs had become. He looked so young, yet so lifeless, and it made something in Morgan snap. He grabbed onto Joel’s shoulders and pulled himself together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just tell me who it is, Joel! I’ll do anything. I’ll find her, I’ll get her to love you, I swear!” Morgan begged. “Just please, please tell me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A look of confusion passed over Joel’s face before it was replaced by sheer terror. He gagged and grabbed his throat, and Morgan’s heart stopped. This was it, wasn’t it? Not if he could help it. He hit Joel’s back, trying his hardest to remember how to perform the heimlich. He was shaking, he distantly realized, but Joel wasn’t. He watched as Joel reached into his mouth and yanked out an entire flower. It was supposed to be pink, Morgan’s mind supplied. The petals were usually pink, but this flower was stained red with Joel’s blood. It was like the strings holding Morgan up had snapped. He sat back on the couch and all the tension that had filled him leaked out of his muscles. Joel glanced at him with a weak smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry you had to see that.” Morgan huffed in response, too emotionally exhausted to offer up much else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Me too.” Morgan took a second to take in exactly how bad Joel looked. The bags under his eyes were dark, and the life in his eyes was nearly gone. He looked like a shell of the person he was before he started coughing up petals, and Morgan simply couldn’t take it anymore. He tried to smile at Joel, and took the plunge. He had to know, even if it hurt him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, will you please tell me who it is? I know I can’t do anything, not really, but I want to try.” He didn’t say that he’d do anything to see Joel happy again, but the implication was there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There is no ‘her’, Morgan.” Oh. Oh. If they aren’t a “her”...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then who is it?” As soon as the words slipped past his lips it hit him. There was really only one person it could be. “Oh my god.” Joel seemed to flinch back, and it brought Morgan back to the present situation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it Travis?” Morgan asked, dread pooling in his stomach. “Dude, you know he would be chill about it!” As true as it was, it didn’t mean that Travis’s chill could save Joel.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, no. It’s not Teeks. He’s in love with Patty, anyways.” Oh. Well, that explained a lot of locker room antics, but not why Joel had flowers growing in his lungs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who is it, then? If they’re an asshole, I’ll kick their ass myself.” Despite the fact that the idea was laughable, Morgan meant it. He’d do anything for Joel, he just hoped Joel had figured that out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Joel took a deep breath and looked at him. The look in his eyes made it seem like time stood still for them, just for a moment, before everything came crashing down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s you, Morgan. It’s only ever been you.”</span>
</p>
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